Kate
by Pinkie Tuscadaro
Summary: Ashley's mom sympathizes with her when she's all depressed in season 3 because of Craig and Manny.


I understood, you know. I understood when she locked herself in her room and cried for hours and didn't go to school because she couldn't face him. I understood the love that felt wrenched away. I understood the feeling of not feeling whole. And I knew that Craig had caused that for her, and I had never been so angry with someone.

He ceased to be her little boyfriend, someone else's kid, an orphan, an abused child. I didn't care about these things. He became only one thing to me. The boy who hurt my daughter. I thought, 'how could he?' How could he do that to her? Treat her that way? Completely disregard her feelings? Such a lack of caring was breathtaking. It was overwhelming.

I watched Ashley fall apart. I watched the sadness fill her face like water fills a pond in spring, the swollen water crashing at the shores. I watched the slow movements, the preoccupation, the falling into those sad songs that are really laments, that are the blues. And I knew, in her extreme reaction, that she had truly loved him. I had wondered, before, when he would come over and she'd smile at him, I wondered if it was love. Now I knew.

How could he have been so careless with that? The precious gift of her love and he smashed it, trashed it, threw it away. How could he? I was constantly questioning him, questioning his motives, looking at him and not understanding what it was that was going through his head. Look at my daughter. Beautiful. Gifted. Sensitive. Poetic. And he had that, he had her love, her admiration, she saw something in him that was worthwhile. And what does he do?

I have to remind myself that they are only 15. Children in many ways still. Children. And what do children know of the love that exists between men and women? What do children know of the spectacular ways that men and women can find to destroy one another? The betrayal of trust, the wrenching of the heart fiber by fiber. The shattered feelings, the lost and twisted faith that had once existed. The dark places in your heart and in your soul that you can go. What do they know of it? Of driving in your car and pulling over because the storm of tears overtakes you? Seeing every road like it's the dead-end road of your life and the person you thought would be there, could be there, has abandoned you. What do they know of that?

So I understood when she wouldn't eat and when she wouldn't go to school and when she said, "Mom, I'm just so…" and she couldn't finish it but I knew. I knew. I wanted to tell her that I knew that sad feeling, that I'd been there and could remember it like being there still.

I cheer her on, when she gets up and gets dressed and goes to school. When she pushes through the pain. When she faces him in the halls with her head up. When she doesn't give in. When she believes in herself. When she smiles despite the pain.

I could see what she saw in him. Sure. He was tall and he was sort of cute, I supposed. Like a cute that takes a little while to see but once you do it's sort of intoxicating. And his troubled little history, I could see how she wanted to rescue him, break down his defenses. Be the one that he lets in. I could see the appeal in that. It's also dangerous. He's damaged beyond her ability to help, maybe. His issues are deeper than she can fathom. He was destined to hurt her, they were on that course all along. How could he help it? What with his trust issues and commitment issues and the loss and the hurt he associates with love? It was only a matter of time.

So time is what will fix it. Time makes it fade, dulls the point of pain. In time all things fade. Alcoholics and their little sayings come to mind when the heart is wrenched. 'This too shall pass'.

But I feel like a wild predatory animal, standing over my hurt little baby. I would kill Craig if I could, just so he could feel the pain he inflicted on Ashley. I can not see his side at all, and I don't care to. Ashley is my concern. How deep does the pain go? How much did he destroy?


End file.
